I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
