get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
