So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
