i think my mom watched the whole time
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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