Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
