its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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