____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
