I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
