in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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