i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
