you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
