I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
40s are totally the cure
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
