i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
