It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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