Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
