Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
