the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
