i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Your dad touched me again.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
