I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
