How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
