So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
