Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ladies don't puke and tell
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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