I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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