There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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