she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
