smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My feet surprised me
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