I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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