One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
