I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Don't EVER smell your tampon
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
