who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
