I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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