U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
