Got a toothbrush?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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