I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
