Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Rumble strips road head = magical
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
