I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Come on in and take your pants off
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