I wish I could teleport
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
