I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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