last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
