I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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