Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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