he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
