I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
