she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
