I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
