And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
