how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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