you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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