Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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