Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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