Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
