okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
