Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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